July 23rd, 2007 | 23 Comments
Tired of the whining, tantrums, and tears? Are you sure there must be a better way?
Recently, Mama Luxe was able to read Pantley’s new book, The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrums, and Tears, and chat with Pantley about her helpful parenting advice.
BONUS: At the end of the interview, there is information about how to win a copy of The No-Cry Discipline Solution.
1. How did you get started writing your parenting books?
My life changed the day I became I mother. It was clear that raising children – and helping other parents to have happier families was my true calling in life.
2. You are somewhat unique in that you are primarily writing as a mother, rather than as a medical expert. How does this perspective affect your writing?
I believe I have an advantage as a mother of four. I have found that sometimes ideas sound great in theory but fall flat when used with real children. I also am part of the “we” rather than writing from a “you” perspective. I live the life of a mother, so who better to understand what it truly feels like?
3. How has your own childhood affected your parenting techniques?
My father was very harsh. He used spanking with a belt as his only discipline tool, and rarely saw his role as a teacher. I knew that his methods were entirely wrong and that he entirely missed the concept that his children were human beings and needed a reasonable, loving leader in life. His methods were the same methods his father used on him. I am committed to helping new parents learn that they can change the pattern of history for the better.
4. You work with test families to try your parenting methods. What are the advantages of this research technique?
In my most recent book I worked with 242 test parents with 411 children from 16 countries. Their input and involvement is better than any research I could possibly find available. Our daily exchanges bring me into their homes with a clear eye to the problems and best solutions for all families.
5. Your books discuss “No Cry” solutions. Why is it important to minimize or avoid crying?
Raising children is so much about teaching. We want our children to learn and to understand us as we go about the many lessons we must teach them. Teaching which falls on deaf ears is lost. I have learned that crying plugs a child’s ears almost every time it occurs. Crying gets in the way of accepting, understanding and learning.
6. How do you respond to authors who have suggested that crying is sometimes necessary or even desirable?
Parents know in their heart that this isn’t true. While it’s impossible to entirely avoid crying, it is clear that avoiding stress, anger and tears can make life better for everyone in the family.
7. Early in the “No-Cry Discipline Solution,” you mention that ideally parents lay the groundwork in the early childhood years for their relationship with their kids later on. Your book mostly discusses loving discipline for toddlers, pre-schoolers, and young school-aged children. Besides establishing good sleeping habits, using the “No Cry Sleep Solution,” of course, how could a parent begin setting the stage for discipline even earlier?
It helps when parents understand that every waking moment with their child is a part of discipline. Parental discipline is about helping our children create a foundation of strong values, morals and guidelines that they can use for a lifetime of self-discipline. The teaching of these principles occurs with nearly every exchange we have with our children from the moment of their birth.
8. How might parents of teenagers apply some of your methods right now?
As difficult as it sometimes seems, all the stages of development are necessary for growth. That moody, difficult, sometimes angry teenager is just trying to figure out who he is and how he fits into the world. If we can remember to retain our role as teacher and leader and keep ourselves calm and in control, and avoid matching our teenagers inconsistent personalities all will be more successful in the end.
And, one more thing! Baby care books sell by the billions, but books on raising teenagers lag far behind, as if we know what we need to know already! But we don’t! I suggest reading parenting books for every age and stage to make your life easier.
9. There is an entire industry devoted to parenting that is growing year by year. To what extent are parents having more difficulty or more anxiety about parenting?
The phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” has a whole new meaning when the village is not one you would want raising your child! Our world is not consistent in supporting our goals as parents, so we must not only handle discipline in the home, we must combat conflicting morals and values out in the world every single day.
10. In your book, the “No-Cry Discipline Solution,” you mention that “Parents who do the right thing 70 percent of the time should feel proud of the job they are doing.” This is, by the way, my new mantra…out of curiosity, though, how did you come up with the precise 70 percent figure?
No matter the job, no matter the sport, no matter the game – the reality is that a person who is successful in any endeavor more than 2 out of 3 times would be considered a success. In tracking the lives of my hundreds of test parents and contacts over the 18 years of my career as a parent educator I find that a 100% perfect parent does not exist. Children misbehave, parents make mistakes, but overall, if parents love their children and make the efforts to do the right job, it is likely that their children will turn out well.
11. Where can readers find more advice from you?
My website has articles, excerpts, Q&A, videos and lots of links for parents.
Want to win a signed copy of The No-Cry Discipline Solution?
Just leave a comment by August 20 with a gentle, no-cry discipline story or idea and we’ll choose a winner at random–plus, you’ll be helping other parents by sharing your anecdotes and tips!!!
Remember to leave a valid e-mail address or URL where we can reach you if you win.
Need a copy right now?
The No-Cry Discipline Solution (review coming soon) is available for purchase.
And don’t forget you can find more No-Cry, Gentle Discipline Parenting Advice from Elizabeth Pantley on her website!
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